Chapter 6

Title: Why men hide their emotion.

Modern men still carry the ancient legacy of being brave n showing no weaknesses. Women

everywhere ask, ‘Why does he always have to be so strong? Why can’t he just show me how he feels?’ ‘ when he’s angry or upset he bottles up and becomes cut-off or distant.’ ‘ it’s like pulling teeth to get him to discuss his problems.’

By nature, a man is suspicious, competitive, controlled, defensive n a loner who hides his emotional state to stay in control. For men, becoming emotional is seen as being out of control. Social conditioning reinforces these behaviours in men by teaching them to ‘act like a man’, put on a brave face’ and ‘boy’s don’t cry’. [Rain: I did say the same thing b4 ryte

~ big boys dun cry~hehe…XD

As a nest defender, a woman’s brain is pre-wired to be open, trusting, co-operative, show vulnerability, reveal emotions and know it’s not necessary to stay in control all the time. This is why, when a man n a woman encounter problems together, each is confused about the other’s reaction.

Title: Why men hate advice.

A man needs to feel that he is capable of solving his own problems and sees discussing them with others as imposing a burden on that person. He won’t even bother his best friend with a problem unless he thinks the friend may have a better solution.

Don’t offer a man advice unless he asks for it. Tell him you have confidence in his ability to work things out.

[Rain nodded2….head bang-in tarus olehnya ehhh~hahaha….i’ve experience this situation b4…so many2 times…]

When a woman tries to get a man to talk abt his feelings or problems, he resists b’coz he sees it as criticism, or feels she must think he is incompetent and she has a better solution for him. In reality, her objective is to help him feel better and, for a woman, offering advice builds trust in a relationship and is not seen as a sign of weakness.

Title: Why men offer solutions.

Men have logical, problem-solving minds. When a man enters a room in a conference centre or restaurant for the first time, he looks around and sees things that need fixing, pictures that need straightening and better ways of laying out of the room. His brain is a problem-solving machine that never takes a holiday. Even if he was on his death bed in hospital he’d bethinking of better ways to arrange the ward to take advantage of the natural light and country view.

[Rain: trueee…when my cuz was in a hospital, he got bored n wanders endlessly around the ward n eventually ring-up his friend to culik ia skjp, n dgn terror nya ia turun kkadai dgn m’makai bju hospital…rasa jua kn m’cuci mata tuuu~in other case…I too if come to a place that I’ve never been, observe every single thing around…it may seem like aku ne ‘sakai’ but who caresss…I just love to observe things esp. if that place ada byk pictures or arts~it will be soo lovely~well…who noe I may get some inspiration n become n arrtists~~cheeaaaa!!!!prasan~~hahaha ]

Talking abt her problems is how a women gets relief from stress. But she wants him to be heard, not fixed.

[Rain: ngammmm…..hahaha….when I got mental n burst everything out at my cuz(he’s a guy anyway~) out n he offers solution…..n I was like- hehe…so funny when recalling things back…ain’t it??]

When a woman talks abt her problems, a man continually interrupts her n offers solutions.[Rain: see….seee!!!!bnr knnnnn~]He can’t help himself because his brain is programmed to do this. He thinks she will feel much better when she has a solution. She only wants to talk n ignores his solutions. This makes him feel incompetent n a failure or that she is probably blaming him for her problems. Women don’t want solutions, they just want to talk abt things n for someone to listen.[Rain: I agree with this statement since I have been dealing with this kind of friends/cuzzies b4, but if me…it’ll be a half2lh…sometimes I want the guys to just listen but mostly I want them to offer solution…’coz I hate losing if I noe it’s not my fault…n on top of that…what for u gurls nag2, kusut2, nangis2, m’yumpah2….it ain't bring u gurls nowhere n it also ain’t give n bring u gurls any good….ryte??? soo….quit nagging n figure out such way to solve ur prob’s…it’s good to confide in ur problems to others n it sure does gives u such reliefs but that’s only for a while…the best thing to do is to over-come it a.s.a.p!!!]

Title:Why stressed women talk.

Under stress or pressure, a man’s main brain functions of spatial ability and logic are activated. A woman’s speech function is activated n she starts talking, often non-stop. If she’s stressed, she talks, talks and talks to anyone who will listen. She can talk abt her problems to her friends for hours, giving a thorough report of details n then they all give the problem another post-mortem. She talks abt present problems, past problems, possible problems n problems that have no solutions. When she talks, no solution are sought as she receives comfort and relief from the process of talking. Her talk is unstructured n several subjects can be discussed at any one time with no conclusions being reached. [Rain: waaaa~ this is sooooo trueee….bini2 tah bnr~ I’m one of them anyway…haha~some stories r never meant to be reveal for it may hurt others feeling or may even haunted them…forever!!! That’s why at certain time u will notice that person always talk n nag abt the same thing, a never ending problem…it may seems as if the problem is solved to u(when u offer a solution or when s/he tell u that it’s over) but not to the person who’s telling u the story. It’s sad but what’s to do…it’s up to that person anyway~ if s/he is strong enough s/he sure do will overcome that ‘haunted thingy’ if not…it’ll be there with him/her forever….n u too soon will get fed up being with him/her for telling the same thing….anyway~ thanks a lot to my friends yg sanggup pasang teling m’dgr rintihan gueee….cheaaa…jiwang ehhh~ demo…honto ni dess…arigato my dear tomodachi~thanks for always be there for me when I’m in trouble n pain…n so is when i'm happy~I’m lovin u all guysss~ ]

For a woman, sharing problems with her friends is a sign of trust n friendship.

For a man, listening to her talk abt problems is hard work b’coz he feels he’s expected to solve each problem she brings up as she talk aloud. He doesn’t just want to talk abt it, he wants to do something abt it!! He is likely to interrupt with, “what’s the main point here?”The point is that there doesn’t need to be a point. The most valuable lesson a man can learn is to listen using listening sounds and gestures, and not to offer solutions. To a man, however, this is an alien concept b’coz he only talks when he has a solution to offer.

When u r dealing with an upset woman, don’t offer solutions or invalidate her feelings-just show her you’re listening.

When a woman refuses to accept his solutions, his next strategy is try to minimise the problems by telling her, “it doesn’t really matter”, “you’re overreacting”, “forget abt it”, “it’s not a big deal”. This infuriates a woman who begins to feel he doesn’t care abt he b’coz he won’t listen.

Title: Why stressed men won’t talk.

A woman talks outside her head, that is, you can hear her, whereas, a man will calm up and stop talking. He doesn’t have strong brain areas for speech so this suits his mindset. When he has a problem he talks to himself while she talks to other people.

This is why, when under the pressure of problems or stress, a man will calm up and stop talking. He uses his right brain to try to solve his problems or find solutions and he stops using his left brain to listen or speak. His brain can only do ‘one thing at a time’. He can’t solve problems and listen or talk simultaneously. This silence is often distressing and frightening for a woman. A women says to her husband, son and a brother, “come on, you’ve got to talk abt it! You’ll feel better!” She says this b’coz this is what works for her. But he just wants to be left alone to firegaze until he comesup with some solutions and answer. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone abt it, especially a therapist, b’coz he sees that as a major sign of weakness.

The famous Rodin sculpture ‘The Thinker’ symbolises a man thinking abt his problems. He wants to sit on his rock and think abt solutions and needs to be alone to do it. The key word here is alone –no-one is ever allowed to go up on the rock with him, not even his best friends. In fact, his male friends would not even contemplate going up there. A woman feels the urge to climb up there with him to give comfort and she gets a rude shock when he pushes her off! [Rain: Ouchh!!]

Men climb on their rock to solve problems. Women who follow them get kicked off.

If Rodin created a sculpture to personify a woman, it would probably be called ‘The Talker’. Women need to understand that when a man is on his rock they need to leave him there and let him think. Many women feel that his silence means he doesn’t love her or think that he’s angry with her. This is b’coz if a woman wasn’t talking, she’d be angry or upset. But if she leaves him on his rock with a cup of tea and a biscuit and doesn’t press him to talk, he’ll be fine. When he finally solves his problem, he’ll come down off his rock and feel happy and begin to talk again.

みなーさん!!! こにちわ~ おんげんこ ですか? me??? i'm gud ere~hehe...XD

Well for the time being I just drop u guys some hmm….facts/statement…..aaaaa whatever u call itlh~ derived, taken and quoted from a book entitle- “why men don’t listen & women can’t read maps”-written by Allan & Barbara Pease.

Mun~ I noe u really want to read that book n so is Dk….unfortunately, its not mine….n so…since I have a chance to read n borrow it so I would like to share some of(not all….gila mun kn dsalin semua~) it with u guys~Some of the info given might have content some true facts n some may be not for certain people but its up to u guys to decide it…n if u would like to give some comment please do so…or if u want to debate-whether to support/not the statement…I rather please to have u guys a my guest….make urself at home~ hehehhe…XD

From CHAPTER 6- Thoughts, Attitudes, Emotions & Other Disaster Areas.

Title: Emotion in The Brain.

Canadian research scientist Sandra Witleson conducted tests on men & women to locate the position of emotion in the brain. Using emotionally-charged images that was shown first to the right-hemisphere via left eye and left ear and then to the left hemisphere via the right eye and ear. From MRI scans, she concluded that man’s emotion is located mainly in 2 areas in the right hemisphere, and women’s is located throughout both hemispheres. New research indicates that our emotions may be located in various organs in the body in the amino acids called neuropeptides and these areas revealed in brain scans are simply remote controls for these neuropeptides.

For men, emotion is generally positioned in the right brain, meaning that it can operate separately from other brain functions. For example, in an ARGUMENT, a man can argue LOGIC and WORDs [Rain: true2….i agreed with it, majority of my cuzzies do have this type of brain-Cool and Slamberrrr~ko soal drg with b’puluh2 soalan p they can shut u with just one answer~he2…even I also got influence with their style n concept n uses it to bully others~hehe2…saper tuu yee?](left Brain)and then switch to spatial solutions (right front brain) WITHOUT becoming EMOTIONAL about the issue[Rain: yeahhh…..banar tuu…that’s why sometimes I got confused and wonder why certain guys especially my cuzzy always sja buat muka slamber n even sometimes bengang when something bad happen or such panic or chaotic events occurslh~but now…I get used with their traits n now I too act just like them-sometimes~its fun to act tough n cool u noe~hehe…XD]. It’s as if emotion is in a little room on its own and a man’s smaller corpus collasum means that emotion is less likely to operate simultaneously with other function.

For women, emotion operates on a more widely spread area in both hemispheres and thus can operate at the same time as other brain functions. A woman can become emotional while discussing an emotional issue[Rain: yeah2…n the worst is when the tear started to drop~ waaaa…so sadistic ehhh!!!n more worst is when u don’t know when will she stop crying~uwaaaaa~it can take like a day a two or even a week…n guess when will she stop even though she don’t want to stop??think2~ bila2?The answer is when she’s blind!!!hope it’ll not happen to anyone of u guys out there k~], while a man is less likely to do the same, or he will simply refuse to discuss the issue[Rain:Trueee~ it bothers me sometimes why guys usually prefer to choose to avoid to talk about the issue when ur heart’s saying that “this is a matter of life and death!!!” but hey~ now I don’t really care about it, as long as it don’t cost me anything or make me to scarify things…then its still ok…hehe…take ur time~but hey~u noe what?partly, I do agree with this “avoiding” things because (1)when the issue is still hot, it is best better to cool everybody down 1st or else a blood may spill(apakn?literature lesson~haha2~anyway~what I’m trying to say is that an unwanted argument/fight might occur)(2) That “avoiding” style doesn’t always mean that he is a coward; sometimes it takes certain people to understand thing/to think to give such reasonable reason/to say “SORRY”.So…to those who think that u have this kind of man,I noe it annoys u sometimes/maybe even always…hehe..but if u love him…the best solution is to be patient. I’m not saying u MUST be patient…the thing is that, “in every successful relationship there’s a compromising situation” …get it?u noe what I mean knnnn~XD]. This way he can avoid becoming emotional or appear not to be in control. Overall, women’s emotions can switch on simultaneously with most other brain functions meaning that she can cry while changing a flat tyre[Rain: haha….n yesss!!!this is sooo truee~so gurls…do u agree that women should just stay at home and do the kitchen?hehe2…but no worries, now many girls know how to handle this kind of situation, I’ve seen some but not when it comes to me…nangis2 kali ehhh~haha!!], whereas a man sees tyre-changing as a test of his problem-solving abilities, and will remain completely dry-eyed even when he discovers, by the side of a deserted road, at midnight, in the pouring rain, that the spare is flat and he took the jack from the boot of the car last week.[Rain:Yup2…big boys don’t cry~ hehe…]

An emotional man can lash out like a reptile;

an emotional woman prefers to

“talk about it”

[Rain: “…like a reptile”….wow?what a metaphor~but its true mehh~ n the same goes for the women..but when it comes to girl, aaa…u noe that “cat fight” thingy~hehe…bukan sja kulit jdi mcm zebra ada “stripe” sana sini…silap2 gundul kali ehhh~ “tarik rambut” thingy..hehe XD]

Ruben Gur, professor of neuro-psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, pioneered similar research and concluded that men’s brain, being highly compartmentalised, deal with emotions on a more basic animal level, similar to an attacking crocodile, whereas a woman will ‘sit down and talk about it’. When a woman is talking with emotion, she uses expressive facial signals, body language and a range of speech patterns[RAiN: I bet when it comes to a man and a woman(spouse) it will not be like what that professor said…I think “segala periuk belanga” jadi senjata utama bini2 n such “cushion or anything that a man can grab” will be his defence….hehe XD]. A man who switches on his emotions is more likely to go into a reptilian mode and lash out vocally/ become aggressive.

Title: Women Value Relationships, Men Value Work.

Modern society is a mere blip on the screen of human evolution. Hundreds of thousands of years of living in traditional roles has left modern men and women with brain circuitry that causes most of our relationship problems and misunderstandings. Men have always defined themselves by their work and accomplishments and women define their own self-worth by the quality of their relationships. A man is a lunch-chaser and problem solver-this had to be his priority for survival. A woman is a nest-defender-her role was to ensure survival of the next generation. All the studies conducted on male and female values in the 1990s continued to show that 70%-80% of men everywhere still say that the most important part of their lives is their work, and 70%-80% of women say the most important priority is their families. As a consequence,

If a woman is unhappy in her relationships,

she can’t concentrate on her work.

If a man is unhappy at work

he can’t focus on his relationships.

[RAIN: agree~ sesungguhnya I do agree~ hehe…the woman-not just couldn’t concentrate p pasti akan m’lepaskn k’marahan nya rh org lain~banar nda?]

Under stress/pressure, a women sees spending time talking with her man as a reward, but a man sees it as an interference[RAIN: yeah2~ so annoying especially when it comes to my favourite tv show, I don’t care who but when it happens to be that there’s something attracts my attention n cause me to get serious in doing it…I really hate interference!!!im a gurl here n so I guess I’m more towards guys’ way of thinking~hehe XD] in his problem-solving process. She wants to talk and cuddle, and he wants to watch the football. To a woman, he seems uncaring and disinterested and a man sees her as annoying/pedantic.[RAIN: As a gurl…I do agree about this statement…but gurls~be openlh~ apa rasa diri kalau kana kacau time kamu syok2 baca favourite novel kamu? Yg kan menangis pun tarus mengamuk ne bah…hehe XD]
These perceptions are the reflections of the different organisation and priorities of their brains. This is why a woman always says that the relationship seems more important to her that it does to him-it is. Understanding this difference will take the pressure off you and your partner, and you’ll not judge each other’s behaviour harshly.

Title: Why Men ‘Do Things’

A man’s brain is organised to evaluate and understand objects, spatial relevance, how it all works and solutions to problems. His brain is programmed for a ‘how-do-I-fixed-it?’ response to life. Men use this ‘fix it’ criterion in their approach to almost everything they do. One woman told us that she wanted her husband to show a more loving attitude towards her-so he mowed the lawn. He saw this as an expression of his love.[RAIN: ahemm…ahemm…ada yg trasa dsini nee?even though not exactly like what have been mentioned above,somehow did any one of u did something like this?to prove the love konon~kali the gurl masih jua lagi munjung2 mulut mcm mulut itik~mua masam2~baik jua baunya nda hangit mcm asam jawa~hoho..XD] When she said she still wasn’t happy, he painted the kitchen. And when this didn’t work, he offered to take her to the football. When a women is upset she will talk emotionally to her friends, but an upset man will rebuild a motor or fixing a leaking tap.

To prove his love for her,

he climbed the highest mountain, swan the deepest ocean,

and crossed the widest desert.

But she left him-he was never home.

[RAIN: mcm kenal ehh~ I mean the metaphor aaa~ hehhe~rupa2nya ada jua english versionnya~ XD]

While women fantasise about love and romance[RAIN: yup2 gurls like to daydreaming~I mean….u already have a boyfriend then why would u want to “daydreaming” again??i just couldn’t understand women….haha….as if I’m not a girl~I noe…I noe…some of u will say like “nanti udh ko b’couple ko pun buat cematu tuuuu~” hehe…but being single is fun u noe~no string attached~XD], men fantasise about fast cars, motor cycles, and PS/ Xbox. All these are things they can use and all are related to spatial ability and ‘doing something’.

Title: Why Men and Women Leave Each Other.

A man’s biological urge is to provide for a woman and her appreciation of his efforts confirms his success. If she is happy, he fills fulfilled. If she is not happy he feels that he is a failure because he believes he can’t provide enough.[RAIN: guys always like challenges…for them it’s like a puzzle that needs to be solve~ so jgn heran if u gurls kna treated mcm mainan jua...nowadays guys like to bet themselves among their friends sapa dpt cairkn byk bini2 within certain period of time/masa yg drg tetapkn. I hate to mention it but its true…maybe not all guys out there yg buatlh…but so far…I’ve seen many~If though not for betting with the friends then it will be like a part of their collections that they like to show it off to others~u now what I mean knnn~] Man constantly say to their friends, ‘I can never make her happy’, and this can be sufficient motivation for a man to leave a relationship for another woman who seems happy with what he can provide.[RAIN: for gurls…jgn t’lalu demanding~krg kana ucap “pengontrol,Bossy,gold-digger,” apa g aaa?aaaa…u noelh those words that u dun want to be entitle with~ if masih dgn status Bf&Gf…kana tinggal Bf pun msh ok….masih bule pancing ikan g~p if udh in a marriage status??basically u noe how asian culture is still living in now knn….msh g ada traditional2 skit~n on top of that…what ever happen it’s always the gurls yg kana ucap jahat…yg slalu rugi…n all those bad thingslhhh~I dunnolh…but somehow..the place that im living in now..im mean the society, the people..still have this kind of “old skool” thinking~]

A woman leaves a man

not because she is unhappy with what he can provide,

but because she is emotionally unfulfilled.

She wants love, romance and conversation. He needs to be told by a woman that he is successful at what he does and what he can provide is fine. But a man needs to be romantic and, most of all, listen when a woman talks, without offering solutions.[RAIN: yeahh….whatever ur(guys) mind is thinking it doesn’t matter, whether u listen/not to what she’s saying it doesn’t matter-as long as u r still there sitting with her, facing her n eyes looking at her (dgn mata yg sayu2…make it look as if u care n listen…n if arah tmpt gelap…mdgr mp3 pun bule tuu…asalkn ia(the gurl)nda sadar)what is matter is that u r there~nda ckp pun nda apa tuuu…lgi bagusss…good for u bah…nda jua sarut suara krg~ hehe…XD]

Title: Why Men Hate To Be Wrong.

To understand why men hate to be wrong, it’s important to understand the history where the attitude came from. Picture this scene~ The cave family is crouched around a fire. The man is sitting at the cave entrance gazing out, surveying the landscape and scanning the horizon for signs of movement. The woman and children have not eaten for days and he knows that he must hunt at the first break in the weather and not return until he has found food. This is his role and his family are depending on him. They’re hungry but confident he can succeed as he always done. His stomach is churning and he is fearful. Will he be successful again? Will his family starve? Will other males kill him because he is weak from hunger? He just sits there with a blank expressionless face-watching. He must not show any signs of fear to his family as they would become disheartened. He must be strong.[RAIN: n again…the best phase to describe guys is-“Big Boys dun cry”…right2~the same goes for the gurls-“big gurls dun cry” quoted from Fergies’ hehehe…XD]

In being wrong, a man considers himself a failure

because he has not been able to do his job properly.

A million years of not wanting to be seen as a failure seems to be wired into the brains of modern men. Most women do not know that if a man is driving in the car alone, he’d probably stop and ask questions. But to do it when she is in the car makes him feel like a failure because he couldn’t get her there.[RAIN: isn’t that what we call “ego”?? or maybe “control macho” haha…no offend guys~u think it urselflh…n do tell me so if u feel u want to do so k~]

When a woman says, “lets ask directions”, a man hears: ‘you’re incompetent, you can’t navigate’. If she says, ‘the kitchen tap is leaking, let’s call a plumber’, he hears, ‘you’re useless, I’ll get another man to do it!’ This is also the reason men have difficulty saying, ‘I’m sorry’. They see it as admitting they are wrong, and to be wrong is to fail.[RAIN: is that sooo??whaaaa….guys always complaint that gurls are always twisting their words~if the gurl says “no” it actually mean “yes”…guys hate it when gurls ckp“b’bunga2”…but in this cases…I mean the statement above,isn’t it sounds the same, I mean the guys too actually twisting the words…ahemm…to be exact…its switching~in their mind,they(the guys) switch what the gurls said from something which is uncertain to something they think its their bad~Guys always complaint that gurls always make up their own conclusion without thinking deeply/ask the other side.but here…they too do the same bahhh~knnnn~]

To deal with this problem, a woman needs to make sure that she doesn’t make a man feel wrong when she discusses problems with him. Even giving a man a self-help book for his birthday is often interpreted by him as, ‘You’re not good enough’.

Men hate criticism-that’s why they like to marry virgins.

[RAIN: hmmm…if me…it will be a half yes n a half no…sometimes criticism can improve u better u noe~so guys out there…throw ur ego awayyyyy….ur ego is not ur pride!!!it’s a 2 different thing u noe~]

A man needs to understand that a woman’s objective is not to make him wrong; it’s to help him and he should not take things personally. A woman wants to improve the man she loves but he interprets this as meaning that he is not good enough. A man won’t admit mistakes because he thinks she won’t love him. But the reality is, a woman loves a man more when he will admit mistakes.[RAIN: again~ “compromise2” hehe….XD]

That’s it for the time being…will continue it again some other time k~if kn b’debate2 tuu bule..p jgn sampai kelahi n nda btagur krggg~ be positive k~anggap sja mcm main game k~n for sure…in this issue…there can never be a right or wrong answer…everything is/can be possible…moreover…u noe it urself that we as human ada kelemahan masing2 ryte~

Top ↑

Chapter 6

Title: Why men hide their emotion.

Modern men still carry the ancient legacy of being brave n showing no weaknesses. Women

everywhere ask, ‘Why does he always have to be so strong? Why can’t he just show me how he feels?’ ‘ when he’s angry or upset he bottles up and becomes cut-off or distant.’ ‘ it’s like pulling teeth to get him to discuss his problems.’

By nature, a man is suspicious, competitive, controlled, defensive n a loner who hides his emotional state to stay in control. For men, becoming emotional is seen as being out of control. Social conditioning reinforces these behaviours in men by teaching them to ‘act like a man’, put on a brave face’ and ‘boy’s don’t cry’. [Rain: I did say the same thing b4 ryte

~ big boys dun cry~hehe…XD

As a nest defender, a woman’s brain is pre-wired to be open, trusting, co-operative, show vulnerability, reveal emotions and know it’s not necessary to stay in control all the time. This is why, when a man n a woman encounter problems together, each is confused about the other’s reaction.

Title: Why men hate advice.

A man needs to feel that he is capable of solving his own problems and sees discussing them with others as imposing a burden on that person. He won’t even bother his best friend with a problem unless he thinks the friend may have a better solution.

Don’t offer a man advice unless he asks for it. Tell him you have confidence in his ability to work things out.

[Rain nodded2….head bang-in tarus olehnya ehhh~hahaha….i’ve experience this situation b4…so many2 times…]

When a woman tries to get a man to talk abt his feelings or problems, he resists b’coz he sees it as criticism, or feels she must think he is incompetent and she has a better solution for him. In reality, her objective is to help him feel better and, for a woman, offering advice builds trust in a relationship and is not seen as a sign of weakness.

Title: Why men offer solutions.

Men have logical, problem-solving minds. When a man enters a room in a conference centre or restaurant for the first time, he looks around and sees things that need fixing, pictures that need straightening and better ways of laying out of the room. His brain is a problem-solving machine that never takes a holiday. Even if he was on his death bed in hospital he’d bethinking of better ways to arrange the ward to take advantage of the natural light and country view.

[Rain: trueee…when my cuz was in a hospital, he got bored n wanders endlessly around the ward n eventually ring-up his friend to culik ia skjp, n dgn terror nya ia turun kkadai dgn m’makai bju hospital…rasa jua kn m’cuci mata tuuu~in other case…I too if come to a place that I’ve never been, observe every single thing around…it may seem like aku ne ‘sakai’ but who caresss…I just love to observe things esp. if that place ada byk pictures or arts~it will be soo lovely~well…who noe I may get some inspiration n become n arrtists~~cheeaaaa!!!!prasan~~hahaha ]

Talking abt her problems is how a women gets relief from stress. But she wants him to be heard, not fixed.

[Rain: ngammmm…..hahaha….when I got mental n burst everything out at my cuz(he’s a guy anyway~) out n he offers solution…..n I was like- hehe…so funny when recalling things back…ain’t it??]

When a woman talks abt her problems, a man continually interrupts her n offers solutions.[Rain: see….seee!!!!bnr knnnnn~]He can’t help himself because his brain is programmed to do this. He thinks she will feel much better when she has a solution. She only wants to talk n ignores his solutions. This makes him feel incompetent n a failure or that she is probably blaming him for her problems. Women don’t want solutions, they just want to talk abt things n for someone to listen.[Rain: I agree with this statement since I have been dealing with this kind of friends/cuzzies b4, but if me…it’ll be a half2lh…sometimes I want the guys to just listen but mostly I want them to offer solution…’coz I hate losing if I noe it’s not my fault…n on top of that…what for u gurls nag2, kusut2, nangis2, m’yumpah2….it ain't bring u gurls nowhere n it also ain’t give n bring u gurls any good….ryte??? soo….quit nagging n figure out such way to solve ur prob’s…it’s good to confide in ur problems to others n it sure does gives u such reliefs but that’s only for a while…the best thing to do is to over-come it a.s.a.p!!!]

Title:Why stressed women talk.

Under stress or pressure, a man’s main brain functions of spatial ability and logic are activated. A woman’s speech function is activated n she starts talking, often non-stop. If she’s stressed, she talks, talks and talks to anyone who will listen. She can talk abt her problems to her friends for hours, giving a thorough report of details n then they all give the problem another post-mortem. She talks abt present problems, past problems, possible problems n problems that have no solutions. When she talks, no solution are sought as she receives comfort and relief from the process of talking. Her talk is unstructured n several subjects can be discussed at any one time with no conclusions being reached. [Rain: waaaa~ this is sooooo trueee….bini2 tah bnr~ I’m one of them anyway…haha~some stories r never meant to be reveal for it may hurt others feeling or may even haunted them…forever!!! That’s why at certain time u will notice that person always talk n nag abt the same thing, a never ending problem…it may seems as if the problem is solved to u(when u offer a solution or when s/he tell u that it’s over) but not to the person who’s telling u the story. It’s sad but what’s to do…it’s up to that person anyway~ if s/he is strong enough s/he sure do will overcome that ‘haunted thingy’ if not…it’ll be there with him/her forever….n u too soon will get fed up being with him/her for telling the same thing….anyway~ thanks a lot to my friends yg sanggup pasang teling m’dgr rintihan gueee….cheaaa…jiwang ehhh~ demo…honto ni dess…arigato my dear tomodachi~thanks for always be there for me when I’m in trouble n pain…n so is when i'm happy~I’m lovin u all guysss~ ]

For a woman, sharing problems with her friends is a sign of trust n friendship.

For a man, listening to her talk abt problems is hard work b’coz he feels he’s expected to solve each problem she brings up as she talk aloud. He doesn’t just want to talk abt it, he wants to do something abt it!! He is likely to interrupt with, “what’s the main point here?”The point is that there doesn’t need to be a point. The most valuable lesson a man can learn is to listen using listening sounds and gestures, and not to offer solutions. To a man, however, this is an alien concept b’coz he only talks when he has a solution to offer.

When u r dealing with an upset woman, don’t offer solutions or invalidate her feelings-just show her you’re listening.

When a woman refuses to accept his solutions, his next strategy is try to minimise the problems by telling her, “it doesn’t really matter”, “you’re overreacting”, “forget abt it”, “it’s not a big deal”. This infuriates a woman who begins to feel he doesn’t care abt he b’coz he won’t listen.

Title: Why stressed men won’t talk.

A woman talks outside her head, that is, you can hear her, whereas, a man will calm up and stop talking. He doesn’t have strong brain areas for speech so this suits his mindset. When he has a problem he talks to himself while she talks to other people.

This is why, when under the pressure of problems or stress, a man will calm up and stop talking. He uses his right brain to try to solve his problems or find solutions and he stops using his left brain to listen or speak. His brain can only do ‘one thing at a time’. He can’t solve problems and listen or talk simultaneously. This silence is often distressing and frightening for a woman. A women says to her husband, son and a brother, “come on, you’ve got to talk abt it! You’ll feel better!” She says this b’coz this is what works for her. But he just wants to be left alone to firegaze until he comesup with some solutions and answer. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone abt it, especially a therapist, b’coz he sees that as a major sign of weakness.

The famous Rodin sculpture ‘The Thinker’ symbolises a man thinking abt his problems. He wants to sit on his rock and think abt solutions and needs to be alone to do it. The key word here is alone –no-one is ever allowed to go up on the rock with him, not even his best friends. In fact, his male friends would not even contemplate going up there. A woman feels the urge to climb up there with him to give comfort and she gets a rude shock when he pushes her off! [Rain: Ouchh!!]

Men climb on their rock to solve problems. Women who follow them get kicked off.

If Rodin created a sculpture to personify a woman, it would probably be called ‘The Talker’. Women need to understand that when a man is on his rock they need to leave him there and let him think. Many women feel that his silence means he doesn’t love her or think that he’s angry with her. This is b’coz if a woman wasn’t talking, she’d be angry or upset. But if she leaves him on his rock with a cup of tea and a biscuit and doesn’t press him to talk, he’ll be fine. When he finally solves his problem, he’ll come down off his rock and feel happy and begin to talk again.

みなーさん!!! こにちわ~ おんげんこ ですか? me??? i'm gud ere~hehe...XD

Well for the time being I just drop u guys some hmm….facts/statement…..aaaaa whatever u call itlh~ derived, taken and quoted from a book entitle- “why men don’t listen & women can’t read maps”-written by Allan & Barbara Pease.

Mun~ I noe u really want to read that book n so is Dk….unfortunately, its not mine….n so…since I have a chance to read n borrow it so I would like to share some of(not all….gila mun kn dsalin semua~) it with u guys~Some of the info given might have content some true facts n some may be not for certain people but its up to u guys to decide it…n if u would like to give some comment please do so…or if u want to debate-whether to support/not the statement…I rather please to have u guys a my guest….make urself at home~ hehehhe…XD

From CHAPTER 6- Thoughts, Attitudes, Emotions & Other Disaster Areas.

Title: Emotion in The Brain.

Canadian research scientist Sandra Witleson conducted tests on men & women to locate the position of emotion in the brain. Using emotionally-charged images that was shown first to the right-hemisphere via left eye and left ear and then to the left hemisphere via the right eye and ear. From MRI scans, she concluded that man’s emotion is located mainly in 2 areas in the right hemisphere, and women’s is located throughout both hemispheres. New research indicates that our emotions may be located in various organs in the body in the amino acids called neuropeptides and these areas revealed in brain scans are simply remote controls for these neuropeptides.

For men, emotion is generally positioned in the right brain, meaning that it can operate separately from other brain functions. For example, in an ARGUMENT, a man can argue LOGIC and WORDs [Rain: true2….i agreed with it, majority of my cuzzies do have this type of brain-Cool and Slamberrrr~ko soal drg with b’puluh2 soalan p they can shut u with just one answer~he2…even I also got influence with their style n concept n uses it to bully others~hehe2…saper tuu yee?](left Brain)and then switch to spatial solutions (right front brain) WITHOUT becoming EMOTIONAL about the issue[Rain: yeahhh…..banar tuu…that’s why sometimes I got confused and wonder why certain guys especially my cuzzy always sja buat muka slamber n even sometimes bengang when something bad happen or such panic or chaotic events occurslh~but now…I get used with their traits n now I too act just like them-sometimes~its fun to act tough n cool u noe~hehe…XD]. It’s as if emotion is in a little room on its own and a man’s smaller corpus collasum means that emotion is less likely to operate simultaneously with other function.

For women, emotion operates on a more widely spread area in both hemispheres and thus can operate at the same time as other brain functions. A woman can become emotional while discussing an emotional issue[Rain: yeah2…n the worst is when the tear started to drop~ waaaa…so sadistic ehhh!!!n more worst is when u don’t know when will she stop crying~uwaaaaa~it can take like a day a two or even a week…n guess when will she stop even though she don’t want to stop??think2~ bila2?The answer is when she’s blind!!!hope it’ll not happen to anyone of u guys out there k~], while a man is less likely to do the same, or he will simply refuse to discuss the issue[Rain:Trueee~ it bothers me sometimes why guys usually prefer to choose to avoid to talk about the issue when ur heart’s saying that “this is a matter of life and death!!!” but hey~ now I don’t really care about it, as long as it don’t cost me anything or make me to scarify things…then its still ok…hehe…take ur time~but hey~u noe what?partly, I do agree with this “avoiding” things because (1)when the issue is still hot, it is best better to cool everybody down 1st or else a blood may spill(apakn?literature lesson~haha2~anyway~what I’m trying to say is that an unwanted argument/fight might occur)(2) That “avoiding” style doesn’t always mean that he is a coward; sometimes it takes certain people to understand thing/to think to give such reasonable reason/to say “SORRY”.So…to those who think that u have this kind of man,I noe it annoys u sometimes/maybe even always…hehe..but if u love him…the best solution is to be patient. I’m not saying u MUST be patient…the thing is that, “in every successful relationship there’s a compromising situation” …get it?u noe what I mean knnnn~XD]. This way he can avoid becoming emotional or appear not to be in control. Overall, women’s emotions can switch on simultaneously with most other brain functions meaning that she can cry while changing a flat tyre[Rain: haha….n yesss!!!this is sooo truee~so gurls…do u agree that women should just stay at home and do the kitchen?hehe2…but no worries, now many girls know how to handle this kind of situation, I’ve seen some but not when it comes to me…nangis2 kali ehhh~haha!!], whereas a man sees tyre-changing as a test of his problem-solving abilities, and will remain completely dry-eyed even when he discovers, by the side of a deserted road, at midnight, in the pouring rain, that the spare is flat and he took the jack from the boot of the car last week.[Rain:Yup2…big boys don’t cry~ hehe…]

An emotional man can lash out like a reptile;

an emotional woman prefers to

“talk about it”

[Rain: “…like a reptile”….wow?what a metaphor~but its true mehh~ n the same goes for the women..but when it comes to girl, aaa…u noe that “cat fight” thingy~hehe…bukan sja kulit jdi mcm zebra ada “stripe” sana sini…silap2 gundul kali ehhh~ “tarik rambut” thingy..hehe XD]

Ruben Gur, professor of neuro-psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, pioneered similar research and concluded that men’s brain, being highly compartmentalised, deal with emotions on a more basic animal level, similar to an attacking crocodile, whereas a woman will ‘sit down and talk about it’. When a woman is talking with emotion, she uses expressive facial signals, body language and a range of speech patterns[RAiN: I bet when it comes to a man and a woman(spouse) it will not be like what that professor said…I think “segala periuk belanga” jadi senjata utama bini2 n such “cushion or anything that a man can grab” will be his defence….hehe XD]. A man who switches on his emotions is more likely to go into a reptilian mode and lash out vocally/ become aggressive.

Title: Women Value Relationships, Men Value Work.

Modern society is a mere blip on the screen of human evolution. Hundreds of thousands of years of living in traditional roles has left modern men and women with brain circuitry that causes most of our relationship problems and misunderstandings. Men have always defined themselves by their work and accomplishments and women define their own self-worth by the quality of their relationships. A man is a lunch-chaser and problem solver-this had to be his priority for survival. A woman is a nest-defender-her role was to ensure survival of the next generation. All the studies conducted on male and female values in the 1990s continued to show that 70%-80% of men everywhere still say that the most important part of their lives is their work, and 70%-80% of women say the most important priority is their families. As a consequence,

If a woman is unhappy in her relationships,

she can’t concentrate on her work.

If a man is unhappy at work

he can’t focus on his relationships.

[RAIN: agree~ sesungguhnya I do agree~ hehe…the woman-not just couldn’t concentrate p pasti akan m’lepaskn k’marahan nya rh org lain~banar nda?]

Under stress/pressure, a women sees spending time talking with her man as a reward, but a man sees it as an interference[RAIN: yeah2~ so annoying especially when it comes to my favourite tv show, I don’t care who but when it happens to be that there’s something attracts my attention n cause me to get serious in doing it…I really hate interference!!!im a gurl here n so I guess I’m more towards guys’ way of thinking~hehe XD] in his problem-solving process. She wants to talk and cuddle, and he wants to watch the football. To a woman, he seems uncaring and disinterested and a man sees her as annoying/pedantic.[RAIN: As a gurl…I do agree about this statement…but gurls~be openlh~ apa rasa diri kalau kana kacau time kamu syok2 baca favourite novel kamu? Yg kan menangis pun tarus mengamuk ne bah…hehe XD]
These perceptions are the reflections of the different organisation and priorities of their brains. This is why a woman always says that the relationship seems more important to her that it does to him-it is. Understanding this difference will take the pressure off you and your partner, and you’ll not judge each other’s behaviour harshly.

Title: Why Men ‘Do Things’

A man’s brain is organised to evaluate and understand objects, spatial relevance, how it all works and solutions to problems. His brain is programmed for a ‘how-do-I-fixed-it?’ response to life. Men use this ‘fix it’ criterion in their approach to almost everything they do. One woman told us that she wanted her husband to show a more loving attitude towards her-so he mowed the lawn. He saw this as an expression of his love.[RAIN: ahemm…ahemm…ada yg trasa dsini nee?even though not exactly like what have been mentioned above,somehow did any one of u did something like this?to prove the love konon~kali the gurl masih jua lagi munjung2 mulut mcm mulut itik~mua masam2~baik jua baunya nda hangit mcm asam jawa~hoho..XD] When she said she still wasn’t happy, he painted the kitchen. And when this didn’t work, he offered to take her to the football. When a women is upset she will talk emotionally to her friends, but an upset man will rebuild a motor or fixing a leaking tap.

To prove his love for her,

he climbed the highest mountain, swan the deepest ocean,

and crossed the widest desert.

But she left him-he was never home.

[RAIN: mcm kenal ehh~ I mean the metaphor aaa~ hehhe~rupa2nya ada jua english versionnya~ XD]

While women fantasise about love and romance[RAIN: yup2 gurls like to daydreaming~I mean….u already have a boyfriend then why would u want to “daydreaming” again??i just couldn’t understand women….haha….as if I’m not a girl~I noe…I noe…some of u will say like “nanti udh ko b’couple ko pun buat cematu tuuuu~” hehe…but being single is fun u noe~no string attached~XD], men fantasise about fast cars, motor cycles, and PS/ Xbox. All these are things they can use and all are related to spatial ability and ‘doing something’.

Title: Why Men and Women Leave Each Other.

A man’s biological urge is to provide for a woman and her appreciation of his efforts confirms his success. If she is happy, he fills fulfilled. If she is not happy he feels that he is a failure because he believes he can’t provide enough.[RAIN: guys always like challenges…for them it’s like a puzzle that needs to be solve~ so jgn heran if u gurls kna treated mcm mainan jua...nowadays guys like to bet themselves among their friends sapa dpt cairkn byk bini2 within certain period of time/masa yg drg tetapkn. I hate to mention it but its true…maybe not all guys out there yg buatlh…but so far…I’ve seen many~If though not for betting with the friends then it will be like a part of their collections that they like to show it off to others~u now what I mean knnn~] Man constantly say to their friends, ‘I can never make her happy’, and this can be sufficient motivation for a man to leave a relationship for another woman who seems happy with what he can provide.[RAIN: for gurls…jgn t’lalu demanding~krg kana ucap “pengontrol,Bossy,gold-digger,” apa g aaa?aaaa…u noelh those words that u dun want to be entitle with~ if masih dgn status Bf&Gf…kana tinggal Bf pun msh ok….masih bule pancing ikan g~p if udh in a marriage status??basically u noe how asian culture is still living in now knn….msh g ada traditional2 skit~n on top of that…what ever happen it’s always the gurls yg kana ucap jahat…yg slalu rugi…n all those bad thingslhhh~I dunnolh…but somehow..the place that im living in now..im mean the society, the people..still have this kind of “old skool” thinking~]

A woman leaves a man

not because she is unhappy with what he can provide,

but because she is emotionally unfulfilled.

She wants love, romance and conversation. He needs to be told by a woman that he is successful at what he does and what he can provide is fine. But a man needs to be romantic and, most of all, listen when a woman talks, without offering solutions.[RAIN: yeahh….whatever ur(guys) mind is thinking it doesn’t matter, whether u listen/not to what she’s saying it doesn’t matter-as long as u r still there sitting with her, facing her n eyes looking at her (dgn mata yg sayu2…make it look as if u care n listen…n if arah tmpt gelap…mdgr mp3 pun bule tuu…asalkn ia(the gurl)nda sadar)what is matter is that u r there~nda ckp pun nda apa tuuu…lgi bagusss…good for u bah…nda jua sarut suara krg~ hehe…XD]

Title: Why Men Hate To Be Wrong.

To understand why men hate to be wrong, it’s important to understand the history where the attitude came from. Picture this scene~ The cave family is crouched around a fire. The man is sitting at the cave entrance gazing out, surveying the landscape and scanning the horizon for signs of movement. The woman and children have not eaten for days and he knows that he must hunt at the first break in the weather and not return until he has found food. This is his role and his family are depending on him. They’re hungry but confident he can succeed as he always done. His stomach is churning and he is fearful. Will he be successful again? Will his family starve? Will other males kill him because he is weak from hunger? He just sits there with a blank expressionless face-watching. He must not show any signs of fear to his family as they would become disheartened. He must be strong.[RAIN: n again…the best phase to describe guys is-“Big Boys dun cry”…right2~the same goes for the gurls-“big gurls dun cry” quoted from Fergies’ hehehe…XD]

In being wrong, a man considers himself a failure

because he has not been able to do his job properly.

A million years of not wanting to be seen as a failure seems to be wired into the brains of modern men. Most women do not know that if a man is driving in the car alone, he’d probably stop and ask questions. But to do it when she is in the car makes him feel like a failure because he couldn’t get her there.[RAIN: isn’t that what we call “ego”?? or maybe “control macho” haha…no offend guys~u think it urselflh…n do tell me so if u feel u want to do so k~]

When a woman says, “lets ask directions”, a man hears: ‘you’re incompetent, you can’t navigate’. If she says, ‘the kitchen tap is leaking, let’s call a plumber’, he hears, ‘you’re useless, I’ll get another man to do it!’ This is also the reason men have difficulty saying, ‘I’m sorry’. They see it as admitting they are wrong, and to be wrong is to fail.[RAIN: is that sooo??whaaaa….guys always complaint that gurls are always twisting their words~if the gurl says “no” it actually mean “yes”…guys hate it when gurls ckp“b’bunga2”…but in this cases…I mean the statement above,isn’t it sounds the same, I mean the guys too actually twisting the words…ahemm…to be exact…its switching~in their mind,they(the guys) switch what the gurls said from something which is uncertain to something they think its their bad~Guys always complaint that gurls always make up their own conclusion without thinking deeply/ask the other side.but here…they too do the same bahhh~knnnn~]

To deal with this problem, a woman needs to make sure that she doesn’t make a man feel wrong when she discusses problems with him. Even giving a man a self-help book for his birthday is often interpreted by him as, ‘You’re not good enough’.

Men hate criticism-that’s why they like to marry virgins.

[RAIN: hmmm…if me…it will be a half yes n a half no…sometimes criticism can improve u better u noe~so guys out there…throw ur ego awayyyyy….ur ego is not ur pride!!!it’s a 2 different thing u noe~]

A man needs to understand that a woman’s objective is not to make him wrong; it’s to help him and he should not take things personally. A woman wants to improve the man she loves but he interprets this as meaning that he is not good enough. A man won’t admit mistakes because he thinks she won’t love him. But the reality is, a woman loves a man more when he will admit mistakes.[RAIN: again~ “compromise2” hehe….XD]

That’s it for the time being…will continue it again some other time k~if kn b’debate2 tuu bule..p jgn sampai kelahi n nda btagur krggg~ be positive k~anggap sja mcm main game k~n for sure…in this issue…there can never be a right or wrong answer…everything is/can be possible…moreover…u noe it urself that we as human ada kelemahan masing2 ryte~

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