Chapter 6

Title: Why men hide their emotion.

Modern men still carry the ancient legacy of being brave n showing no weaknesses. Women

everywhere ask, ‘Why does he always have to be so strong? Why can’t he just show me how he feels?’ ‘ when he’s angry or upset he bottles up and becomes cut-off or distant.’ ‘ it’s like pulling teeth to get him to discuss his problems.’

By nature, a man is suspicious, competitive, controlled, defensive n a loner who hides his emotional state to stay in control. For men, becoming emotional is seen as being out of control. Social conditioning reinforces these behaviours in men by teaching them to ‘act like a man’, put on a brave face’ and ‘boy’s don’t cry’. [Rain: I did say the same thing b4 ryte

~ big boys dun cry~hehe…XD

As a nest defender, a woman’s brain is pre-wired to be open, trusting, co-operative, show vulnerability, reveal emotions and know it’s not necessary to stay in control all the time. This is why, when a man n a woman encounter problems together, each is confused about the other’s reaction.

Title: Why men hate advice.

A man needs to feel that he is capable of solving his own problems and sees discussing them with others as imposing a burden on that person. He won’t even bother his best friend with a problem unless he thinks the friend may have a better solution.

Don’t offer a man advice unless he asks for it. Tell him you have confidence in his ability to work things out.

[Rain nodded2….head bang-in tarus olehnya ehhh~hahaha….i’ve experience this situation b4…so many2 times…]

When a woman tries to get a man to talk abt his feelings or problems, he resists b’coz he sees it as criticism, or feels she must think he is incompetent and she has a better solution for him. In reality, her objective is to help him feel better and, for a woman, offering advice builds trust in a relationship and is not seen as a sign of weakness.

Title: Why men offer solutions.

Men have logical, problem-solving minds. When a man enters a room in a conference centre or restaurant for the first time, he looks around and sees things that need fixing, pictures that need straightening and better ways of laying out of the room. His brain is a problem-solving machine that never takes a holiday. Even if he was on his death bed in hospital he’d bethinking of better ways to arrange the ward to take advantage of the natural light and country view.

[Rain: trueee…when my cuz was in a hospital, he got bored n wanders endlessly around the ward n eventually ring-up his friend to culik ia skjp, n dgn terror nya ia turun kkadai dgn m’makai bju hospital…rasa jua kn m’cuci mata tuuu~in other case…I too if come to a place that I’ve never been, observe every single thing around…it may seem like aku ne ‘sakai’ but who caresss…I just love to observe things esp. if that place ada byk pictures or arts~it will be soo lovely~well…who noe I may get some inspiration n become n arrtists~~cheeaaaa!!!!prasan~~hahaha ]

Talking abt her problems is how a women gets relief from stress. But she wants him to be heard, not fixed.

[Rain: ngammmm…..hahaha….when I got mental n burst everything out at my cuz(he’s a guy anyway~) out n he offers solution…..n I was like- hehe…so funny when recalling things back…ain’t it??]

When a woman talks abt her problems, a man continually interrupts her n offers solutions.[Rain: see….seee!!!!bnr knnnnn~]He can’t help himself because his brain is programmed to do this. He thinks she will feel much better when she has a solution. She only wants to talk n ignores his solutions. This makes him feel incompetent n a failure or that she is probably blaming him for her problems. Women don’t want solutions, they just want to talk abt things n for someone to listen.[Rain: I agree with this statement since I have been dealing with this kind of friends/cuzzies b4, but if me…it’ll be a half2lh…sometimes I want the guys to just listen but mostly I want them to offer solution…’coz I hate losing if I noe it’s not my fault…n on top of that…what for u gurls nag2, kusut2, nangis2, m’yumpah2….it ain't bring u gurls nowhere n it also ain’t give n bring u gurls any good….ryte??? soo….quit nagging n figure out such way to solve ur prob’s…it’s good to confide in ur problems to others n it sure does gives u such reliefs but that’s only for a while…the best thing to do is to over-come it a.s.a.p!!!]

Title:Why stressed women talk.

Under stress or pressure, a man’s main brain functions of spatial ability and logic are activated. A woman’s speech function is activated n she starts talking, often non-stop. If she’s stressed, she talks, talks and talks to anyone who will listen. She can talk abt her problems to her friends for hours, giving a thorough report of details n then they all give the problem another post-mortem. She talks abt present problems, past problems, possible problems n problems that have no solutions. When she talks, no solution are sought as she receives comfort and relief from the process of talking. Her talk is unstructured n several subjects can be discussed at any one time with no conclusions being reached. [Rain: waaaa~ this is sooooo trueee….bini2 tah bnr~ I’m one of them anyway…haha~some stories r never meant to be reveal for it may hurt others feeling or may even haunted them…forever!!! That’s why at certain time u will notice that person always talk n nag abt the same thing, a never ending problem…it may seems as if the problem is solved to u(when u offer a solution or when s/he tell u that it’s over) but not to the person who’s telling u the story. It’s sad but what’s to do…it’s up to that person anyway~ if s/he is strong enough s/he sure do will overcome that ‘haunted thingy’ if not…it’ll be there with him/her forever….n u too soon will get fed up being with him/her for telling the same thing….anyway~ thanks a lot to my friends yg sanggup pasang teling m’dgr rintihan gueee….cheaaa…jiwang ehhh~ demo…honto ni dess…arigato my dear tomodachi~thanks for always be there for me when I’m in trouble n pain…n so is when i'm happy~I’m lovin u all guysss~ ]

For a woman, sharing problems with her friends is a sign of trust n friendship.

For a man, listening to her talk abt problems is hard work b’coz he feels he’s expected to solve each problem she brings up as she talk aloud. He doesn’t just want to talk abt it, he wants to do something abt it!! He is likely to interrupt with, “what’s the main point here?”The point is that there doesn’t need to be a point. The most valuable lesson a man can learn is to listen using listening sounds and gestures, and not to offer solutions. To a man, however, this is an alien concept b’coz he only talks when he has a solution to offer.

When u r dealing with an upset woman, don’t offer solutions or invalidate her feelings-just show her you’re listening.

When a woman refuses to accept his solutions, his next strategy is try to minimise the problems by telling her, “it doesn’t really matter”, “you’re overreacting”, “forget abt it”, “it’s not a big deal”. This infuriates a woman who begins to feel he doesn’t care abt he b’coz he won’t listen.

Title: Why stressed men won’t talk.

A woman talks outside her head, that is, you can hear her, whereas, a man will calm up and stop talking. He doesn’t have strong brain areas for speech so this suits his mindset. When he has a problem he talks to himself while she talks to other people.

This is why, when under the pressure of problems or stress, a man will calm up and stop talking. He uses his right brain to try to solve his problems or find solutions and he stops using his left brain to listen or speak. His brain can only do ‘one thing at a time’. He can’t solve problems and listen or talk simultaneously. This silence is often distressing and frightening for a woman. A women says to her husband, son and a brother, “come on, you’ve got to talk abt it! You’ll feel better!” She says this b’coz this is what works for her. But he just wants to be left alone to firegaze until he comesup with some solutions and answer. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone abt it, especially a therapist, b’coz he sees that as a major sign of weakness.

The famous Rodin sculpture ‘The Thinker’ symbolises a man thinking abt his problems. He wants to sit on his rock and think abt solutions and needs to be alone to do it. The key word here is alone –no-one is ever allowed to go up on the rock with him, not even his best friends. In fact, his male friends would not even contemplate going up there. A woman feels the urge to climb up there with him to give comfort and she gets a rude shock when he pushes her off! [Rain: Ouchh!!]

Men climb on their rock to solve problems. Women who follow them get kicked off.

If Rodin created a sculpture to personify a woman, it would probably be called ‘The Talker’. Women need to understand that when a man is on his rock they need to leave him there and let him think. Many women feel that his silence means he doesn’t love her or think that he’s angry with her. This is b’coz if a woman wasn’t talking, she’d be angry or upset. But if she leaves him on his rock with a cup of tea and a biscuit and doesn’t press him to talk, he’ll be fine. When he finally solves his problem, he’ll come down off his rock and feel happy and begin to talk again.

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Chapter 6

Title: Why men hide their emotion.

Modern men still carry the ancient legacy of being brave n showing no weaknesses. Women

everywhere ask, ‘Why does he always have to be so strong? Why can’t he just show me how he feels?’ ‘ when he’s angry or upset he bottles up and becomes cut-off or distant.’ ‘ it’s like pulling teeth to get him to discuss his problems.’

By nature, a man is suspicious, competitive, controlled, defensive n a loner who hides his emotional state to stay in control. For men, becoming emotional is seen as being out of control. Social conditioning reinforces these behaviours in men by teaching them to ‘act like a man’, put on a brave face’ and ‘boy’s don’t cry’. [Rain: I did say the same thing b4 ryte

~ big boys dun cry~hehe…XD

As a nest defender, a woman’s brain is pre-wired to be open, trusting, co-operative, show vulnerability, reveal emotions and know it’s not necessary to stay in control all the time. This is why, when a man n a woman encounter problems together, each is confused about the other’s reaction.

Title: Why men hate advice.

A man needs to feel that he is capable of solving his own problems and sees discussing them with others as imposing a burden on that person. He won’t even bother his best friend with a problem unless he thinks the friend may have a better solution.

Don’t offer a man advice unless he asks for it. Tell him you have confidence in his ability to work things out.

[Rain nodded2….head bang-in tarus olehnya ehhh~hahaha….i’ve experience this situation b4…so many2 times…]

When a woman tries to get a man to talk abt his feelings or problems, he resists b’coz he sees it as criticism, or feels she must think he is incompetent and she has a better solution for him. In reality, her objective is to help him feel better and, for a woman, offering advice builds trust in a relationship and is not seen as a sign of weakness.

Title: Why men offer solutions.

Men have logical, problem-solving minds. When a man enters a room in a conference centre or restaurant for the first time, he looks around and sees things that need fixing, pictures that need straightening and better ways of laying out of the room. His brain is a problem-solving machine that never takes a holiday. Even if he was on his death bed in hospital he’d bethinking of better ways to arrange the ward to take advantage of the natural light and country view.

[Rain: trueee…when my cuz was in a hospital, he got bored n wanders endlessly around the ward n eventually ring-up his friend to culik ia skjp, n dgn terror nya ia turun kkadai dgn m’makai bju hospital…rasa jua kn m’cuci mata tuuu~in other case…I too if come to a place that I’ve never been, observe every single thing around…it may seem like aku ne ‘sakai’ but who caresss…I just love to observe things esp. if that place ada byk pictures or arts~it will be soo lovely~well…who noe I may get some inspiration n become n arrtists~~cheeaaaa!!!!prasan~~hahaha ]

Talking abt her problems is how a women gets relief from stress. But she wants him to be heard, not fixed.

[Rain: ngammmm…..hahaha….when I got mental n burst everything out at my cuz(he’s a guy anyway~) out n he offers solution…..n I was like- hehe…so funny when recalling things back…ain’t it??]

When a woman talks abt her problems, a man continually interrupts her n offers solutions.[Rain: see….seee!!!!bnr knnnnn~]He can’t help himself because his brain is programmed to do this. He thinks she will feel much better when she has a solution. She only wants to talk n ignores his solutions. This makes him feel incompetent n a failure or that she is probably blaming him for her problems. Women don’t want solutions, they just want to talk abt things n for someone to listen.[Rain: I agree with this statement since I have been dealing with this kind of friends/cuzzies b4, but if me…it’ll be a half2lh…sometimes I want the guys to just listen but mostly I want them to offer solution…’coz I hate losing if I noe it’s not my fault…n on top of that…what for u gurls nag2, kusut2, nangis2, m’yumpah2….it ain't bring u gurls nowhere n it also ain’t give n bring u gurls any good….ryte??? soo….quit nagging n figure out such way to solve ur prob’s…it’s good to confide in ur problems to others n it sure does gives u such reliefs but that’s only for a while…the best thing to do is to over-come it a.s.a.p!!!]

Title:Why stressed women talk.

Under stress or pressure, a man’s main brain functions of spatial ability and logic are activated. A woman’s speech function is activated n she starts talking, often non-stop. If she’s stressed, she talks, talks and talks to anyone who will listen. She can talk abt her problems to her friends for hours, giving a thorough report of details n then they all give the problem another post-mortem. She talks abt present problems, past problems, possible problems n problems that have no solutions. When she talks, no solution are sought as she receives comfort and relief from the process of talking. Her talk is unstructured n several subjects can be discussed at any one time with no conclusions being reached. [Rain: waaaa~ this is sooooo trueee….bini2 tah bnr~ I’m one of them anyway…haha~some stories r never meant to be reveal for it may hurt others feeling or may even haunted them…forever!!! That’s why at certain time u will notice that person always talk n nag abt the same thing, a never ending problem…it may seems as if the problem is solved to u(when u offer a solution or when s/he tell u that it’s over) but not to the person who’s telling u the story. It’s sad but what’s to do…it’s up to that person anyway~ if s/he is strong enough s/he sure do will overcome that ‘haunted thingy’ if not…it’ll be there with him/her forever….n u too soon will get fed up being with him/her for telling the same thing….anyway~ thanks a lot to my friends yg sanggup pasang teling m’dgr rintihan gueee….cheaaa…jiwang ehhh~ demo…honto ni dess…arigato my dear tomodachi~thanks for always be there for me when I’m in trouble n pain…n so is when i'm happy~I’m lovin u all guysss~ ]

For a woman, sharing problems with her friends is a sign of trust n friendship.

For a man, listening to her talk abt problems is hard work b’coz he feels he’s expected to solve each problem she brings up as she talk aloud. He doesn’t just want to talk abt it, he wants to do something abt it!! He is likely to interrupt with, “what’s the main point here?”The point is that there doesn’t need to be a point. The most valuable lesson a man can learn is to listen using listening sounds and gestures, and not to offer solutions. To a man, however, this is an alien concept b’coz he only talks when he has a solution to offer.

When u r dealing with an upset woman, don’t offer solutions or invalidate her feelings-just show her you’re listening.

When a woman refuses to accept his solutions, his next strategy is try to minimise the problems by telling her, “it doesn’t really matter”, “you’re overreacting”, “forget abt it”, “it’s not a big deal”. This infuriates a woman who begins to feel he doesn’t care abt he b’coz he won’t listen.

Title: Why stressed men won’t talk.

A woman talks outside her head, that is, you can hear her, whereas, a man will calm up and stop talking. He doesn’t have strong brain areas for speech so this suits his mindset. When he has a problem he talks to himself while she talks to other people.

This is why, when under the pressure of problems or stress, a man will calm up and stop talking. He uses his right brain to try to solve his problems or find solutions and he stops using his left brain to listen or speak. His brain can only do ‘one thing at a time’. He can’t solve problems and listen or talk simultaneously. This silence is often distressing and frightening for a woman. A women says to her husband, son and a brother, “come on, you’ve got to talk abt it! You’ll feel better!” She says this b’coz this is what works for her. But he just wants to be left alone to firegaze until he comesup with some solutions and answer. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone abt it, especially a therapist, b’coz he sees that as a major sign of weakness.

The famous Rodin sculpture ‘The Thinker’ symbolises a man thinking abt his problems. He wants to sit on his rock and think abt solutions and needs to be alone to do it. The key word here is alone –no-one is ever allowed to go up on the rock with him, not even his best friends. In fact, his male friends would not even contemplate going up there. A woman feels the urge to climb up there with him to give comfort and she gets a rude shock when he pushes her off! [Rain: Ouchh!!]

Men climb on their rock to solve problems. Women who follow them get kicked off.

If Rodin created a sculpture to personify a woman, it would probably be called ‘The Talker’. Women need to understand that when a man is on his rock they need to leave him there and let him think. Many women feel that his silence means he doesn’t love her or think that he’s angry with her. This is b’coz if a woman wasn’t talking, she’d be angry or upset. But if she leaves him on his rock with a cup of tea and a biscuit and doesn’t press him to talk, he’ll be fine. When he finally solves his problem, he’ll come down off his rock and feel happy and begin to talk again.

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